Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
