so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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