I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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