They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
