dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
