Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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