I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
