My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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