trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
