I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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