Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
