Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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