I just made out with a guy for $7.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
