wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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