We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
