drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
