Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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