During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He did a backflip because drugs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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