Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
