i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
