so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
