U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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