i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
