Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
