We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
