can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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