what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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