you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
