I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
