Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
