is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
being pregnant is like rehab
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
