there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
...so i touched it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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