my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
