Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
