Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just invented taco cereal.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
