haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
