Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
