i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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