either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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