He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
