Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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