Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
