really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
