i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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