I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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