sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
