i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
