these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
