I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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