i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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