HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
