I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
