i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
