i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He did a backflip because drugs
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
