I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
